I feel like crying.

Grandma was still not recovering
therefore the MIA-ing at msn and blog and fb.
at least i could tweet a little at the hospital.


I havent had the feeling to study
i heard there is a lot for the thursday one.
i guess after attachment tmr, im going to be super tired.
and also i'll just clear off all the temptation i might have
and chiong all the way to friday.
can't wait for this weekend!


i guess now, with ____ im feeling happy and sort
but i can't feel not guilty towards _____
can't say its like a spoiler or what.
well, im just afraid of the day that'll come
where we will fall off.
now we have ghost in our heart, LOL.
this is so bad -_-~


haii. time to sleep.
approximately 6 hours of sleep
10 hours of attachment (oh shit, i just forgotten about the 1 hour break)
and then maybe like 5-6 hours of self entertainment.
are you counting the hours? yeah! 22 hours O_Oll
i thought i neede 8 hours of sleep haha!

and then the 48hours and above of studying awaits me.
gambatteh neh.


Oh ya
if you're interested in the seirensei, please tell me
so i can send you the rsvp linkie
its all about gakuen matsuri
you know like schol festival for japanese
haunted mansion, maid cafe
and all the food selling.
can't wait!

I read the lyrics of the song on your wall
Can't help but to think of the times
and the things we used to talk about.
You sure remember that that picture
used to makes me laugh in horror


I remember you sang this song
but i didnt take note about the lyrics
it just seems like its describing what
you were feeling back then.
the random game, hah.


Honestly, a lot of people think that
i should just ignore you
but i just know you are feeling horrible
but i, don't know what to do


I think i'm pretty set and know what i can do
I'm sure it'll change everything
but at least if it relieves you a little
just after that
I can be a little mean
no
i can be mean. i can.
karma already befalls me.
i don't really care i guess.


*self hypnotise*
no i don't care, i don't care.

-can't you, be a little more like them?-
-but maybe you're not them, that's why i'm determined-
-determined, to be waiting here aimlessly-

i need some kind of memory loss accidents
just like the one i had around 3-4 years ago.
maybe i can live life happier like that.

My live's is a mask.
only a few manage to unveil it.
and see my true self.
true self my shit.
so horrible feeling now.

To a certain point of time
people exposes their ugliness
that they have been trying to hide for long
especially when to the point where
certain circumstances have forced it out of them
well, i've seen much, but i think this is the worse.


The worse kind of feeling when the truth is already out
and you can't say it.
I really really, hate and dislike, to hurt someone.
i hate being a bitch.
i hate it when i have to think for you or give you false hope(which i dunno if i have).
because it ain't the right thing
and you'll just fall deeper, and get hurt even more in the end.
I could have end everything now.
but, what about your side.
it'll be horrible for you no?


I don't want to lose a friend like you.
but i guess, those acts of yours,
its not an act of a friend.
i realised it too late.
i don't deserve such treatments.


And. do you know?
you're selfish to an extent too.
you don't think of how i feel.
its not just on my side.
because you also think that its not normal now.
its not normal for me, i know it myself.
i feel horrible for all those lies.
you know what keeps me going?
to live in denial.


maybe i wasnt that girl you were looking for.
you just find some kind of thrill and essence from it.
you don't speak sincerely too.
you've said before "beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder"
so what makes it fair to describe me so perfectly?
i'm not.


i'm just contradicting myself.
because i would know that if i would tell anyone.
they would have been scolding me and force me to settle these things.
i should, shouldnt i?
i think blog just serves me a platform to complain.
if this gets out to him, god knows what he'll do.
maybe i'll just get this privated again.

-neh, if i posed as any kind of attraction to you, can't you just take me away-

200th post. i know its random, but its just my thoughts here im putting.


I know all these things that i've been doing
are making you so sleepless and stuff
i'm really sorry and somehow i get a little backen off from it
maybe its just that im secretly thinking that
i don't want to be tied down by a person
that i don't really know much


You don't have to give up your happiness
to make me happy.
because i know it hurts deep inside you.
maybe its time for you to look for your own happiness
and move on.
its better for you.
because i don't deserve that priviliege.


and, people who think i blog emo-ly
then, open your eyes big.
these are my thoughts, this is a public space
and this IS MY SPACE.
its how i type and exposes my thoughts.
if this turns you off,
why are you even reading up to this point?
and, im not like a happy go lucky person with no worries
im sure everyone does have their worries
if they don't, then congratulations.
good night -_-

been having fun lately for meeting up with nana
to get her yukata
and the epic moments before the natsu matsuri
that was some experience to have.
try wearing a yukata and board the mrt (Y) haha!
and a woman FAILED to explain to her child that we're"japanese"
she said we were koreans. hmm.


we got to play games during natsu matsuri
was looking out for the balloon yoyo and the fishing,
but only the yoyo was available
my the other disappointment was the candy apple
which really did sold out fast :/
I wanted to join bon odori,
but it was rather wet at the grounds
and i wouldnt want to go alone there either. haha!
the platforms for the stage should be higher though.


felt rather guilty though.
i really DID though that someone did asked nonie.
should have asked right? :/
i bet she felt really bad when we left her out. sorry!
and today we went over to have korean bbq dinner
initially i thought we will be within the budget.
but when one more person came
food were ordered more, and i swear i was panicking for the cost.
i mean, im prepared to pay more(knowing how ex it would be),
but what about the others?
i honestly thought, the person who highly disrecommend the place
would not have ordered that 2 portion
if she have already known that, they didnt suit her likings.


oh well. i guess i have been really spending too much.
im killed by guilt for not paying the $63 still counting.
im considering whether to tell her about the instructor incident.
but she wouldnt care either.
she wrote an email for saying that she knows we have out reasons,
but she stil wants her money back.
I KNOW. but..
sigh.
.
.
.
i think im going to persuade my mum to pay
because i don't have a bank account (to transfer)
let alone after all these money spend, i don't have money for holidays.
and for that one cert which i am pretty confident to earn at least a silver
why not.
but duh, they said the cert is totally free
and want us to pay $7 more (??????)
free eh.
you know what?
im beginning to think they handle things really very amateur.
see the way they type the emails.
i really dunno what to say.
i just think that, i wasnt fated to join this whole thing
and people just wants to make more obstacles for me to pursue my interest


aside from all these things,
i suddenly felt like taking up ballet classes. LOL!
or maybe piano lessons.
or BETTER hiphop classes
since holidays are coming after exams,
i could at least afford when i start working.
anybody got lobang?

I've been meeting nana jie to hunt around for yukata
you know why?
its for the abon festival, the natsu matsuri
and its in Singapore!


I sure hope it'll not be a disappointment
where i;ve been getting excited over it for a couple of days
i'm going to try out the new yukata which is like dark blue-purple
with red fishes designed.
so much for the feel of the festive eh!
will post the pictures :)


and with tomorrow and sunday,
i would have met nana jie for over 5 days
haha! scary LOL.
nvm, i think its cool to hang around her ;)


I feel kind of restless lately
and cashless. its suck during holidays
because i don't see allowance. -_-.
sigh, and i want to wake up early and sleep late
to fully utilize the full day
but i guess sleep is really needed
i feel so exhausted too.


Annoying stuff happens
but some good stuff too.
i shall just embrace the goodness in life.
sometimes, i guess humans have too to be selfish.
because it protects themselves from getting hurt.
and because selfish people exists to hurt them
what goes around comes around.


i pass by that place today
it kind of reminds me the stupid stuff i did
and it makes me wonders whether
it was just a spitting distance pass you.


good night all :)

i dislike the feeling of losing
and regretting
maybe thats why everytime when i'm about to lose something
i get more anxious and wants to save it
but when i did, i began to see the ugly side of things
thats when i get sick of it all over again.


and, all my posts and statuses
have no business with you
stop asking me because i will just find
some ridiculous excuse to make you believe
and you'll never get to the bottom of it.
you know what?
i think you're just annoying when you always start with
"oh, then what is (status) about" in a soft voice
i think thats annoying.


i think i'm going to use the method
maybe trying to close myself
would stop giving me this kind of trouble
i want peace in my life.

Just wanted to know what is the choice taken.
I'm curious.

and. we talk like strangers.

Being loved is a happy thing.
when truth is out.
Ugliness shows.
Maybe shouldnt be loved at first after all.
Both parties get hurt in the end.

Hello (:, you are currently viewing leM0n's little space.
her real name is amanda ting
and lives miraculously on 14 march 1992
she believes in horoscope and is an emotional pisces
she can dream anytime anyday
and loves the magic act of disappearing
her inner swings picks up wind anytime and changes her mood
she would like to go japan,korea & paris someday(:
lastly, she needs love from people (:

LOVES :
♥leM0n!
♥ receiving things that comes with sincerity
♥ the night
♥ the bed
♥ running away from reality
HATES :
x dolls that looks like human, when they're not
x clowns
hates a big word for me, normally i only dislike things.:X

Music playing: Kana Nishino - Motto / Tokutemo

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

Ladies
Bernice
Daleela
Gena
Elaine
Elizabeth
Jasmine
JieYi
Kris
Nadiah
ShiMin
Vivian
Vivian Chan
Wingsze
XinYun
YiiMei

Gentlemen
Asyraf
Barry
Daniel
Desmond chew
Dexter
Eivriel
Jonathan
Joseph

Designer
Imageshack
Image from Here
Brushes
Image done using Photoshop