.Tuesday, September 23, 2008 ' 10:56 PM Y
Don't wake me up, unless its in reality ♥
as i said earlier, i have decided to make another blog post.
as i thought, i would not do any good if i were to escape from the reality.
seriously, tomorrow is always going to befall. i guess its another test for me tomorrow.
i already foresee that questions and trials will be made tomorrow.
hopefully, i'll still be safe after school from the reality i will be facing.
i apologise for all neglection i made. and sincerely appreciate all the care and concern
calls and texts from the teachers.
but really. i needed time to adjust myself today.
as i always said, running away and disappearing is my way of calming myself
i dislike showing and pouring all my feelings in front of one. face to face.
rather, i prefer showing it through texts, since it'll be much easier for me.
for now, i'll just continue to calm myself further. to give up something that i treasure.
for approximately 8 years i think, that i never thought i will suspect
its really hard for me. it might be just me, being all stubborn and stuff
it might even just be for the moment, to break the ties.
before that of what i was posting.
i feel it might be just utter nonsense.
i really want to show my feelings. but something tells me that
things are better to be kept untold.
i may seem troubled. but i feel, im lesser troubled than i was.
the whole day, i just buried myself in my all favourite place
: the bed, the computer, the books.
running away seemed to be a wrong choice of the day
many distraction was to keep me from adjusting well
plans for the day was spoiled due to many reasons.
but luckily, i've met what i aimed.
(even the timing for the meals all delayed and bring forward for 3-4 hours)
(no wonder im still covered by skin...)
after all, by seeking to my hobbies.
as easy as simply watching japanese animation
i was able to focus. and give my heart in to feel the story.
having people to be constantly worry about me
and yet im that relaxed about it.
im really in guilt and sorry.
its just that, i need my breathing space.
im tied down for many times.
i figured what might be best for me.
yet the ''me'' long ago, seek for the best to others.
i shared, i played.
but never were to think for myself.
in the end, future was neglected for me.
so now. maybe i can juggle between the two better
or just focus on one. either way is gonna work somehow.
whatever it is. just see for yourself.
well, my medicine is acting again.
lethargic feeling, the dizziness and the nausea
i just hate this. i will sail through this period of time
and stop trembling once and for all.
this all seemed like an oath to me.
its a promise to myself. an ''ouendan'' in my mind.
i've chattered and nagged enough on my post
so much as that it is overwheming.
i'll stop for now, and continue my journey tomorrow.
see ya~!
i wanted to end all this. but i feel that i might hurt that person even more.even though i dint want to, i continue. i hope i've cleared everything.a suitable one may be found. but its still impossible to me.i'll just follow the flow. one day. i will find the one.the chosen one. and everything will just be that naturalthe question is: will i ever reach that one day?
